


tear into me like an unknown disease

by aletterinthenameofsanity



Series: my past has tasted bitter for years now (i'll be a better man today) [2]
Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Asexual Character, Date Rape Drug/Roofies, M/M, Psychological Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-16
Updated: 2018-03-16
Packaged: 2019-04-01 05:07:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 517
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13991115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aletterinthenameofsanity/pseuds/aletterinthenameofsanity
Summary: Spencer's spent all of his life trying to decide whether his eidetic memory is a blessing or a curse. Since joining the BAU, he's been seeing it more and more as a blessing. He's used it to save so many lives, solve so many case- how can it be anything but?(Sure, there are some bodies, some cases, that Spencer wishes he could forget, but the good vastly outweighs the bad.)-Right now, Spencer wishes more than he ever has that he could justforget.





	tear into me like an unknown disease

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from "Filthy Pride" by Social Repose.
> 
> Also, rape is NOT between Derek and Spencer.

Spencer's spent all of his life trying to decide whether his eidetic memory is a blessing or a curse. Since joining the BAU, he's been seeing it more and more as a blessing. He's used it to save so many lives, solve so many cases- how can it be anything but?

(Sure, there are some bodies, some cases, that Spencer wishes he could forget, but the good vastly outweighs the bad.)

-

Right now, Spencer wishes more than he ever has that he could just _forget_.

-

The roofies are blocking some of the events, but most of it is clear: visiting the bar with his teammates. Laughing, enjoying his time with his friends, especially his boyfriend. Going to grab a drink for himself- nothing hard, just a margarita. Smiling at his friends' good natured teasing about him drinking alcohol.

(Noticing something bitter in the taste of the drink, but ignoring it.)

He remembers his vision getting a bit blurry, and tapping JJ on the shoulder. He remembers whispering, "I'm going to the restroom to fix my contacts," and stumbling off once she'd nodded. Well, he thinks she'd nodded.

He remembers stumbling up to a sink and staring blearily at himself in the mirror, his hazy mind trying to process what he was planning on doing. He remembers- oh god, he _can't forget_ \- a hand grabbing his ass and him flinching. He remembers turning, startled, and a man shoving his tongue down Spencer's throat. He remembers thinking, _stop, please, I don't want this_ but being unable to get his limbs to move. Then he'd been dragged into a stall, limbs uncooperative, and...and-

He's curled up on the floor now, the cold tiles keeping him from drifting off. He doesn't want to move, even as alertness drifts back in- it hurts too much. There's pain along his ass and thighs, and he's trying not to think about the fluids drying on his skin. He's trying very hard to ignore everything, to _not think_ about every violation that just occurred.

He swallows and levers himself up off of the ground. He carefully, trying not to exacerbate the pain, pulls up his torn boxers and stained slacks to cover whatever mess is on his back. He pulls down his shirt, robotically tries to smooth out the wrinkles.

He heads out of the bathroom, mind curiously blank. He walks up to his friends, and their smiles, so buoyant to him a few minutes ago, are sharp and painful now.

Derek turns and sees Spencer walking up. He smile quickly drops away, replaced by worry. "You okay, Spencer?" He asks, concern written all over his voice and face, and Spencer can't answer. He can't pretend, not to Derek. He can't cry, can't shout, can't get his useless, traitorous body to do anything.

He swallows, and tries to let himself process. It's not helping. Nothing's going to let him think through this, not in this hot, loud bar with his smiling friends.

"I think," he says, and he barely recognizes his own voice. "I think I need a rape kit done."

Derek's face collapses.

**Author's Note:**

> Originally this story was going to be an AU for my main Moreid fic, with a lot of chapters, but I really want to work on my main fic and have lost inspiration for this 'verse. This will, in all likelihood, remain a one shot, though there is the slight likelihood of an expansion.


End file.
